I spent 26 hours of a 34 hour period this past weekend, 6 hours driving to and from the location and the other 20 hours working at a pediatric urgent care in NC and…I am tired. I am tired of the 7000 steps to see an increasingly large volume of patients, and I am not all that efficient nor fast. I am tired of there never being another provider that will come help. I am tired of there not being any true Mee-Maws that can tell sick from not sick and not demanding kids have the go to the doctors because they developed a runny nose 1 hour ago. I am tired of system that promotes hypochondria, yes faking illness. I am tired of being so tired that going to my full time job, that I actually love, is a chore because I am so beat down. It is really sad you would prefer to be broke than work extra.
A ray of light was a cute little girl that I hadn’t seen since birth. In my position as an itinerant Pediatric Hospitalist and UC doc I never meet patients that I have cared for in the past. I never get to see the positive or negative impact. It was gratifying to see this beautiful kid and family, but I worry that my mental fatigue and whole body aching did not leave the most positive impression. I worry that this pace is not sustainable and I do NOT want to affect my current position over a part time position. Why I like my current position? I have the support of my colleagues, I have the tools to perform well including an easy to navigate EHR, EPIC in this case. They actually care that I live closer because 1 hour drive on 264 and 95 is hazardous to anyone’s health. They actually care. I don’t get that feeling from my contract position, I just feel like a filler , and only contact I have is punitive.
My baseline is slightly salty, always sarcastic, sleep-deprived, and automatic default a skosh cranky. I try to avoid events and people that highlights those things. So why do it you may ask? It was for the pay, and the opportunity to be in Charlotte. But after taxes, the pay is not all that and I work so much and my drive is so far, I don’t get to enjoy Charlotte. So why exactly am I doing this? Dunno. Will I be doing this going forward? Nope.